Two and a Half Men
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| Date | Episode # | Title | Network | Rating (↑) | Share | Viewers | Watch/Purchase DVD/Download |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10/02/2006 | 04-003 | The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 15.8 | 
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| 01/12/2009 | 06-012 | Thank God for Scoliosis | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 17.1 |
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| 02/06/2006 | 03-014 | Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded | CBS | 10.3 | 15 | 16.3 |
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| 05/10/2004 | 01-022 | My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet | CBS | 10.4 | 16 | 16 |
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| 10/18/2004 | 02-005 | Bad News from the Clinic | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.3 |
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| 03/21/2005 | 02-019 | A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise | CBS | 10.4 | 16 | 15.9 |
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| 11/07/2005 | 03-007 | Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 10/09/2006 | 04-004 | A Pot-Smoking Monkey | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.4 |
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| 10/16/2006 | 04-005 | A Live Woman of Proven Fertility | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 02/19/2007 | 04-016 | Young People Have Phlegm Too | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.6 |
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| 02/26/2007 | 04-017 | I Merely Slept with a Commie | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.6 |
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| 10/27/2003 | 01-006 | Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? | CBS | 10.5 | 16 | 15.8 |
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| 05/03/2004 | 01-021 | No Sniffing, No Wowing | CBS | 10.5 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 02/14/2005 | 02-016 | Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? | CBS | 10.5 | 16 |
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| 03/20/2006 | 03-018 | The Spit-Covered Cobbler | CBS | 10.5 | 15 | 16.7 |
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| 02/08/2010 | 07-015 | Aye, Aye, Captain Douche | CBS | 10.5 | 16 | 17.7 |
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| 03/08/2010 | 07-017 | I Found Your Moustache | CBS | 10.5 | 16 | 17.6 |
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| 01/05/2004 | 01-012 | Camel Filters and Pheremones | CBS | 10.6 | 16 | 16.8 |
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| 11/28/2005 | 03-010 | Something Salty and Twisted | CBS | 10.6 | 15 | 16.5 |
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| 12/15/2008 | 06-011 | The Devil's Lube | CBS | 10.6 | 16 | 17.9 |
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| 11/03/2003 | 01-007 | If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake | CBS | 10.7 | 16 | 16 |
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| 02/02/2004 | 01-014 | I Can't Afford Hyenas | CBS | 10.7 | 16 | 16.5 |
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| 02/23/2004 | 01-017 | Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats | CBS | 10.7 | 15 |
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| 11/08/2004 | 02-007 | A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana | CBS | 10.7 | 16 |
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| 01/23/2006 | 03-013 | Humiliation Is a Visual Medium | CBS | 10.7 | 15 | 17.1 |
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| 10/03/2011 | Big Girls Don't Throw Food | CBS | 10.7 | 15 | |||
| 03/01/2004 | 01-018 | An Old Flame with a New Wick | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 10/04/2004 | 02-003 | A Bag Full of Jawea | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 16.4 |
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| 02/07/2005 | 02-015 | Smell the Umbrella Stand | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 16.7 |
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| 04/18/2005 | 02-020 | I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 10/24/2005 | 03-006 | Hi, Mr. Horned One | CBS | 10.8 | 15 | 16.8 |
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| 01/09/2006 | 03-012 | That Special Tug | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.2 |
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| 02/27/2006 | 03-015 | My Tongue Is Meat | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17 |
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| 03/13/2006 | 03-017 | The Unfortunate Little Schnauser | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.4 |
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| 03/22/2004 | 01-019 | I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You | CBS | 10.9 | 17 | 16.4 |
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| 09/27/2004 | 02-002 | Enjoy Those Garlic Balls | CBS | 10.9 | 16 | 16.6 |
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| 02/21/2005 | 02-017 | Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam! | CBS | 10.9 | 16 | 17.5 |
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| 03/06/2006 | 03-016 | Ergo, the Booty Call | CBS | 10.9 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 11/24/2003 | 01-010 | Merry Thanksgiving | CBS | 11 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 02/16/2004 | 01-016 | That Was Saliva, Alan (Part 2 of 2) | CBS | 11 | 16 | 17.4 |
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| 02/09/2004 | 01-015 | Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (Part 1 of 2) | CBS | 11.1 | 16 | 17 |
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| 09/20/2004 | 02-001 | Back Off Mary Poppins | CBS | 11.1 | 16 | 16.4 |
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| 10/11/2004 | 02-004 | Go Get Mommy's Bra | CBS | 11.1 | 16 | 17.2 |
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| 10/25/2004 | 02-006 | The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance | CBS | 11.2 | 16 | 17.2 |
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| 01/31/2005 | 02-014 | Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts | CBS | 11.2 | 16 | 17 |
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| 12/19/2005 | 03-011 | Santa's Village of the Damned | CBS | 11.2 | 17 | 17.7 |
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| 02/05/2007 | 04-014 | That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami | CBS | 11.2 | 16 | 17.7 |
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| 01/17/2005 | 02-013 | Zejdz z Moich Wlosow (a.k.a. Get Off My Hair) | CBS | 11.3 | 15 | 18.1 |
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| 01/12/2004 | 01-013 | Sarah Like Puny Alan | CBS | 11.4 | 17 | 17.9 |
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| 01/03/2005 | 02-012 | A Lungful of Alan | CBS | 11.4 | 17 | 18 |
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