Two and a Half Men
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| Date | Episode # | Title | Network | Rating | Share | Viewers (↑) | Watch/Purchase DVD/Download |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 09/29/2003 | 01-002 | Big Flappy Bastards | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 16.2 | 
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| 05/03/2004 | 01-021 | No Sniffing, No Wowing | CBS | 10.5 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 12/13/2004 | 02-011 | Last Chance to See Those Tattoos | CBS | 16.2 |
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| 11/07/2005 | 03-007 | Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 10/16/2006 | 04-005 | A Live Woman of Proven Fertility | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 05/18/2009 | 06-024 | Baseball Was Better with Steroids | CBS | 9.9 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 10/10/2011 | Nine Magic Fingers | CBS | 9.7 | 14 | 16.2 | ||
| 10/18/2004 | 02-005 | Bad News from the Clinic | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.3 |
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| 02/06/2006 | 03-014 | Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded | CBS | 10.3 | 15 | 16.3 |
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| 01/18/2010 | 07-013 | Yay, No Polyps! | CBS | 9.6 | 14 | 16.3 |
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| 03/22/2004 | 01-019 | I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You | CBS | 10.9 | 17 | 16.4 |
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| 09/20/2004 | 02-001 | Back Off Mary Poppins | CBS | 11.1 | 16 | 16.4 |
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| 10/04/2004 | 02-003 | A Bag Full of Jawea | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 16.4 |
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| 10/09/2006 | 04-004 | A Pot-Smoking Monkey | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.4 |
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| 12/14/2009 | 07-011 | Warning, It's Dirty | CBS | 9.8 | 15 | 16.4 |
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| 02/02/2004 | 01-014 | I Can't Afford Hyenas | CBS | 10.7 | 16 | 16.5 |
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| 11/28/2005 | 03-010 | Something Salty and Twisted | CBS | 10.6 | 15 | 16.5 |
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| 02/01/2010 | 07-014 | Crude and Uncalled For | CBS | 9.9 | 15 | 16.5 |
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| 09/27/2004 | 02-002 | Enjoy Those Garlic Balls | CBS | 10.9 | 16 | 16.6 |
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| 02/19/2007 | 04-016 | Young People Have Phlegm Too | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.6 |
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| 02/26/2007 | 04-017 | I Merely Slept with a Commie | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.6 |
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| 02/02/2009 | 06-014 | David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie | CBS | 10 | 15 | 16.6 |
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| 02/07/2005 | 02-015 | Smell the Umbrella Stand | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 16.7 |
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| 03/20/2006 | 03-018 | The Spit-Covered Cobbler | CBS | 10.5 | 15 | 16.7 |
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| 01/05/2004 | 01-012 | Camel Filters and Pheremones | CBS | 10.6 | 16 | 16.8 |
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| 10/24/2005 | 03-006 | Hi, Mr. Horned One | CBS | 10.8 | 15 | 16.8 |
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| 03/01/2010 | 07-016 | Tinkle Like a Princess | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 16.9 |
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| 02/09/2004 | 01-015 | Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (Part 1 of 2) | CBS | 11.1 | 16 | 17 |
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| 01/31/2005 | 02-014 | Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts | CBS | 11.2 | 16 | 17 |
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| 02/27/2006 | 03-015 | My Tongue Is Meat | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17 |
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| 11/24/2003 | 01-010 | Merry Thanksgiving | CBS | 11 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 03/01/2004 | 01-018 | An Old Flame with a New Wick | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 04/18/2005 | 02-020 | I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 01/23/2006 | 03-013 | Humiliation Is a Visual Medium | CBS | 10.7 | 15 | 17.1 |
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| 03/06/2006 | 03-016 | Ergo, the Booty Call | CBS | 10.9 | 16 | 17.1 |
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| 01/12/2009 | 06-012 | Thank God for Scoliosis | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 17.1 |
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| 10/11/2004 | 02-004 | Go Get Mommy's Bra | CBS | 11.1 | 16 | 17.2 |
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| 10/25/2004 | 02-006 | The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance | CBS | 11.2 | 16 | 17.2 |
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| 01/09/2006 | 03-012 | That Special Tug | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.2 |
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| 01/11/2010 | 07-012 | Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 17.3 |
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| 02/16/2004 | 01-016 | That Was Saliva, Alan (Part 2 of 2) | CBS | 11 | 16 | 17.4 |
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| 03/07/2005 | 02-018 | It Was Mame, Mom | CBS | 11.4 | 17 | 17.4 |
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| 03/13/2006 | 03-017 | The Unfortunate Little Schnauser | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 17.4 |
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| 02/21/2005 | 02-017 | Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam! | CBS | 10.9 | 16 | 17.5 |
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| 03/08/2010 | 07-017 | I Found Your Moustache | CBS | 10.5 | 16 | 17.6 |
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| 12/19/2005 | 03-011 | Santa's Village of the Damned | CBS | 11.2 | 17 | 17.7 |
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| 02/05/2007 | 04-014 | That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami | CBS | 11.2 | 16 | 17.7 |
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| 02/08/2010 | 07-015 | Aye, Aye, Captain Douche | CBS | 10.5 | 16 | 17.7 |
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| 01/12/2004 | 01-013 | Sarah Like Puny Alan | CBS | 11.4 | 17 | 17.9 |
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| 05/02/2005 | 02-021 | A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On | CBS | 11.5 | 17 | 17.9 |
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