Two and a Half Men
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| Date | Episode # | Title | Network | Rating | Share | Viewers (↑) | Watch/Purchase DVD/Download |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 11/07/2011 | Thank You for the Intercourse | CBS | 8.9 | 13 | 14.7 | ||
| 10/06/2003 | 01-003 | Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell | CBS | 9.6 | 14 | 14.8 | 
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| 12/15/2003 | 01-011 | Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor | CBS | 9.9 | 15 | 14.8 |
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| 01/08/2007 | 04-012 | Castrating Sheep in Montana | CBS | 9.6 | 14 | 14.8 |
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| 12/07/2009 | 07-010 | That's Why They Call It Ball Room | CBS | 8.8 | 13 | 14.8 |
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| 11/14/2011 | Frodo's Headshots | CBS | 8.8 | 13 | 14.8 | ||
| 05/08/2006 | 03-022 | Just Once with Aunt Sophie | CBS | 9.7 | 14 | 14.9 |
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| 09/22/2008 | 06-001 | Taterhead Is Our Love Child | CBS | 9.1 | 13 | 14.9 |
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| 11/24/2008 | 06-009 | The Mooch at the Boo | CBS | 9 | 13 | 14.9 |
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| 12/12/2011 | One False Move, Zimbabwe! | CBS | 9.2 | 14 | 14.9 | ||
| 09/19/2005 | 03-001 | Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts | CBS | 9.8 | 14 | 15 |
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| 10/23/2006 | 04-006 | Apologies for the Frivolity | CBS | 9.8 | 14 | 15 |
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| 11/20/2006 | 04-009 | Corey's Been Dead for an Hour | CBS | 9.4 | 14 | 15 |
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| 02/09/2009 | 06-015 | I'd Like to Start with the Cat | CBS | 9.2 | 13 | 15 |
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| 04/13/2009 | 06-020 | Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau | CBS | 8.8 | 13 | 15 |
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| 09/18/2006 | 04-001 | Working for Caligula | CBS | 9.7 | 14 | 15.1 |
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| 10/17/2011 | A Giant Cat Holding a Churro | CBS | 9.1 | 13 | 15.1 | ||
| 10/20/2003 | 01-005 | The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump | CBS | 9.9 | 15 | 15.2 |
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| 05/17/2004 | 01-023 | Just Like Buffalo | CBS | 9.9 | 15 | 15.2 |
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| 10/10/2005 | 03-004 | Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs | CBS | 9.8 | 14 | 15.2 |
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| 11/14/2005 | 03-008 | That Voodoo That I Do Do | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 15.2 |
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| 11/17/2008 | 06-008 | Pinocchio's Mouth | CBS | 9.3 | 13 | 15.2 |
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| 02/07/2011 | Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak | CBS | 9.1 | 14 | 15.2 | ||
| 12/05/2011 | What a Lovely Landing Strip | CBS | 9.3 | 14 | 15.2 | ||
| 09/25/2006 | 04-002 | Who's Vod Kanockers? | CBS | 9.9 | 15 | 15.3 |
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| 11/26/2007 | 05-010 | Kinda Like Necrophilia | CBS | 9.4 | 14 | 15.3 |
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| 10/24/2011 | The Squat and the Hover | CBS | 9.1 | 13 | 15.3 | ||
| 01/03/2013 | Welcome to Alancrest | CBS | 9.2 | 14 | 15.4 | ||
| 01/03/2011 | Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup | CBS | 9.1 | 14 | 15.4 | ||
| 05/22/2006 | 03-024 | That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite | CBS | 9.8 | 15 | 15.5 |
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| 11/27/2006 | 04-010 | Kissing Abraham Lincoln | CBS | 9.8 | 14 | 15.5 |
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| 02/12/2007 | 04-015 | My Damn Stalker | CBS | 10 | 14 | 15.5 |
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| 03/02/2009 | 06-016 | She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime | CBS | 9.2 | 13 | 15.5 |
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| 05/24/2010 | 07-022 | This Is Not Gonna End Well | CBS | 9.5 | 15 | 15.5 |
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| 10/17/2005 | 03-005 | We Called It Mr. Pinky | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 15.6 |
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| 12/08/2008 | 06-010 | He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited | CBS | 9.5 | 14 | 15.6 |
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| 01/17/2011 | Lookin' for Japanese Subs | CBS | 9.3 | 14 | 15.6 | ||
| 11/21/2005 | 03-009 | Madame and Her Special Friend | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 15.7 |
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| 12/11/2006 | 04-011 | Walnuts and Demerol | CBS | 10 | 15 | 15.7 |
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| 10/27/2003 | 01-006 | Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? | CBS | 10.5 | 16 | 15.8 |
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| 11/10/2003 | 01-008 | Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 15.8 |
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| 10/02/2006 | 04-003 | The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 15.8 |
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| 11/13/2006 | 04-008 | Release the Dogs | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 15.8 |
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| 01/22/2007 | 04-013 | Don't Worry, Speed Racer | CBS | 10 | 14 | 15.8 |
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| 11/21/2011 | A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes | CBS | 9.6 | 14 | 15.8 | ||
| 03/21/2005 | 02-019 | A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise | CBS | 10.4 | 16 | 15.9 |
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| 11/03/2003 | 01-007 | If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake | CBS | 10.7 | 16 | 16 |
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| 11/17/2003 | 01-009 | Phase One, Complete | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 16 |
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| 05/10/2004 | 01-022 | My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet | CBS | 10.4 | 16 | 16 |
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| 01/19/2009 | 06-013 | I Think You Offended Don | CBS | 9.8 | 14 | 16.1 |
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