Two and a Half Men
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| Date | Episode # | Title (↑) | Network | Rating | Share | Viewers | Watch/Purchase DVD/Download |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 02/20/2012 | Not in My Mouth! | CBS | 8 | 12 | 13.3 | ||
| 12/05/2013 | Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer | CBS | 5.4 | 8 | 8.5 | ||
| 02/19/2015 | Of Course He's Dead (Part 1 of 2); Of Course He's Dead (Part 2 of 2) | CBS | 8.5 | 14 | 13.5 | ||
| 05/14/2012 | Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! | CBS | 7.3 | 11 | 11.5 | ||
| 05/08/2014 | Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead | CBS | 5.3 | 9 | 8.3 | ||
| 12/12/2013 | On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! | CBS | 5.4 | 9 | 8.5 | ||
| 12/12/2011 | One False Move, Zimbabwe! | CBS | 9.2 | 14 | 14.9 | ||
| 12/06/2012 | One Nut Johnson | CBS | 8.4 | 13 | 13.5 | ||
| 11/27/2014 | Oontz Oontz Oontz | CBS | 4.3 | 9 | 6.9 | ||
| 11/05/2007 | 05-007 | Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room | CBS | 8.5 | 12 | 13.8 | 
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| 11/22/2010 | Ow, Ow, Don't Stop | CBS | 8.6 | 13 | 14.4 | ||
| 02/07/2013 | Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It | CBS | 8.6 | 13 | 14.1 | ||
| 03/19/2012 | Palmdale, Ech | CBS | 7.1 | 11 | 11.5 | ||
| 09/26/2011 | People Who Love Peepholes | CBS | 12.2 | 18 | 20.5 | ||
| 11/17/2003 | 01-009 | Phase One, Complete | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 16 |
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| 09/29/2008 | 06-002 | Pie Hole, Herb | CBS | 8.4 | 12 | 13.6 |
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| 09/22/2003 | 01-001 | Pilot | CBS | 12.1 | 18 | 18.4 |
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| 11/17/2008 | 06-008 | Pinocchio's Mouth | CBS | 9.3 | 13 | 15.2 |
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| 09/26/2005 | 03-002 | Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover | CBS | 9.7 | 14 | 14.4 |
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| 05/14/2007 | 04-024 | Prostitutes and Gelato | CBS | 6.3 | 10 | 10.2 |
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| 10/22/2007 | 05-005 | Putting Swim Fins on a Cat | CBS | 8.7 | 12 | 13.9 |
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| 11/13/2006 | 04-008 | Release the Dogs | CBS | 10.1 | 15 | 15.8 |
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| 11/06/2006 | 04-007 | Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head | CBS | 9.1 | 13 | 14.5 |
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| 04/21/2008 | 05-015 | Rough Night in Hump Junction | CBS | 8.3 | 12 | 13.4 |
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| 02/09/2004 | 01-015 | Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (Part 1 of 2) | CBS | 11.1 | 16 | 17 |
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| 01/31/2013 | Run Steven Staven! Run! | CBS | 8.4 | 13 | 13.7 | ||
| 12/19/2005 | 03-011 | Santa's Village of the Damned | CBS | 11.2 | 17 | 17.7 |
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| 01/12/2004 | 01-013 | Sarah Like Puny Alan | CBS | 11.4 | 17 | 17.9 |
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| 12/11/2014 | Sex with an Animated Ed Asner | CBS | 5.8 | 9 | 9.3 | ||
| 03/02/2009 | 06-016 | She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime | CBS | 9.2 | 13 | 15.5 |
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| 11/19/2007 | 05-009 | Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids (a.k.a. Tight's Good) | CBS | 8.5 | 12 | 13.9 |
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| 02/13/2012 | Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy | CBS | 7.8 | 11 | 12.5 | ||
| 05/04/2009 | 06-022 | Sir Lancelot's Litter Box | CBS | 8.6 | 13 | 14.2 |
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| 01/03/2011 | Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup | CBS | 9.1 | 14 | 15.4 | ||
| 11/07/2005 | 03-007 | Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop | CBS | 10.4 | 15 | 16.2 |
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| 01/02/2012 | Slowly and in a Circular Fashion | CBS | 8.3 | 12 | 13.9 | ||
| 02/07/2005 | 02-015 | Smell the Umbrella Stand | CBS | 10.8 | 16 | 16.7 |
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| 04/09/2007 | 04-019 | Smooth as a Ken Doll | CBS | 8.4 | 13 | 13.5 |
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| 11/14/2013 | Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie | CBS | 5.4 | 9 | 8.7 | ||
| 11/15/2012 | Something My Gynecologist Said | CBS | 8.6 | 13 | 13.9 | ||
| 11/28/2005 | 03-010 | Something Salty and Twisted | CBS | 10.6 | 15 | 16.5 |
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| 11/08/2010 | Springtime on a Stick | CBS | 8.3 | 12 | 13.6 | ||
| 05/16/2005 | 02-023 | Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab | CBS | 15 | 22 | 24.2 |
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| 09/22/2008 | 06-001 | Taterhead Is Our Love Child | CBS | 9.1 | 13 | 14.9 |
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| 01/02/2014 | Tazed in the Lady Nuts | CBS | 5.4 | 8 | 8.7 | ||
| 01/12/2009 | 06-012 | Thank God for Scoliosis | CBS | 10.2 | 15 | 17.1 |
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| 11/07/2011 | Thank You for the Intercourse | CBS | 8.9 | 13 | 14.7 | ||
| 02/14/2011 | That Darn Priest | CBS | 8.7 | 14 | 14.5 | ||
| 05/09/2005 | 02-022 | That Old House Bag Is My Mother | CBS | 11.5 | 17 | 18 |
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| 05/22/2006 | 03-024 | That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite | CBS | 9.8 | 15 | 15.5 |
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