Shark Attack: The Complete Guide to TV Sharks You Won't See on "Shark Week"

Cason Murphy - August 2, 2009

Has Discovery Channel already lured you in to watch Shark Week? To wet our excitement over here at TV Tango, we caught up with a few fictional TV characters who are lurking out there, but our jaws dropped when we realized how neglected these sharks are compared with the rest of their man-eating species. So, we took the bait and went shark raving mad to compile this whale of a list!

Okay, now we’re just fishing for puns...

So, gather up your chums and sink your teeth into this!

Photo	Common Name	Scientific Family Name	Sighting Record	Habitat	Appearance	Natural Prey	Distinctive Sound
Legal Shark	Sebastian Stark	Lawsuiticus	Shark (CBS, 2006)	The courtrooms of Los Angeles, CA	Seersucker suits, sunglasses & a sneaky smile.	Any rich clients he previously defended	"No further questions."
Street Shark	Ripster, Jab, Streex & Big Slammu	Asphalticus	Street Sharks (Syndicated, 1995)	Fission City	Genetically tweaked half-man/half-shark brothers in early '90s board shorts.	Dr. Piranoid & His "Seaviates"	"Jawsome!"
Business Shark	"The Sharks"	Corporatias	Shark Tank (ABC, 2009)	An undisclosed board room	Dark suit. Power tie optional.	Budding entrepreneurs	"I'm out."
Green Shark	Green Shark Ranger	CheapRipOffsae	Power Rangers: RPM (ABC, 2009)	The Domed City of Corinth	The usual Green Ranger suit with a special shark-finned helmet.	Any of the minions of the sentient computer virus Venjix	"RPM, get it in gear!"
Officer Shark	Chief Petty Officer Otto Sharkey	Naval Bureaucratina	CPO Sharkey (NBC, 1976)	Navy Training Center in San Diego, CA	The Navy blues and a Don Rickles combover.	New Navy recruits	Insert any racial, ethnic or gender insult.
Game Shark	Card Sharks	AcesHighina	Card Sharks (Syndicated, 2001)	A soundstage in Burbank, CA	An oversized deck of cards, bright flashing lights and fleeting money.	Greedy gameshow contestants	"Let's shoot the max on the Big Bet!"
Card Shark	Theodore 'T-Bag' Bagwell	Pokeradae	Prison Break (FOX, 2005)	Fox River State Penitentiary in Joliet, IL	An orange jumpsuit, a thick Southern accent & facial hair only a mother could love.	Any of Michael Scofield's orifices	"Hey there, Pretty."
Cartoon Shark	Jabberjaw	Animatias	Jabberjaw (ABC, 1976)	The Ocean in 2076	Quite possibly the least threatening shark in history.	Children's minds	"No respect!"
Loan Shark	Bobette Buffkin	Creditasae	Easy Money (CW, 2008)	Albuquerque, NM	Bright red hair & form-fitting clothes.	Owners of RVs, boats, and homes. Pretty much like real life.	I'd love to give you the money, hon, but..."
Dharma Shark	The Dharma Shark	Hanso	LOST (ABC, 2004)	Off an uncharted island in the South Pacific	Pretty much like a regular shark - except for the infamous Dharma Initiative logo on its tail.	Sawyer	[censored by Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse]
Mob Loan Shark	Herman 'Hesh' Rabkin	Mafiosidium	The Sopranos (HBO, 1999)	Elizabethtown, New Jersey	Wife-beaters & slacks	Phil Leotardo	"My friend..."
Hockey Shark	S.J. Sharkie	Hockeylium	The NHL on Versus (Versus, 2005)	The Tank (San Jose, CA)	The Sharks' home colors of pacific teal, burnt orange, white & black	The Anaheim Ducks	"GOAL!"
Dancing Shark	Team Shark (Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas)	FoxTrotea	Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 2005)	The DWTS dance floor	Sequins, spandex & sweat	Anyone on the dance floor - from Belinda Carlisle to Gilles Marini	"It's a perfect 30!"
Pet Shark	Kenny the Shark	FamilyPetius	Kenny the Shark (NBC, 2003)	In a suburban neighborhood with Kat and her family	A cartoon shark that can walk and talk on land	Nobody, seeing how he's mistaken for a dog by a toddler. Not much danger here.	"When do we eat?"
Pool Shark	Blackie Sorrell	Billiardosae	The Dick Van Dyke Show (CBS, 1961)	The Petrie's basement in New Rochelle, NY	A pencil-thin tie and a pool cue	Rob Petrie	"When I play for soda crackers, I'm invincible."
Land Shark	Landshark	NotADolphinius	Saturday Night Live (NBC, 1975)	Your front door	A foam-rubber shark head	Unsuspecting single, young women	"Landshark!" or "Candygram!"

And then of course, Fonzie jumped the shark.

And now this blog has, too.

Did we miss one? Don't hammer your head against your keyboard - send us a comment!

Cason Murphy started in the entertainment business at the age of three when he "picked a rabbit out of his hat" during a tap recital - and hasn't had the good sense to get out yet. When he's not selling his soul to academia at UCLA's School of Theater, Film & Television, he is making good use of his DVR.

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